Laura Whitmore and stripping away the layers of truth

Bray’s very own, Laura Whitmore, recently revealed in a tantalizing update to her MTV Europe profile that:

I don’t like onions but I like onion rings.

Furthermore, ‘Luscious Laura is Living MTV Dream’ screamed the Bray People digest earlier this week. Unbecoming of the truth, however, the BP neglected to unriddle this perplexing puzzle that Laura left scattered for her adoring town on her profile – what onion rings do you actually like?

As there are really only two contenders in fair Bré are we meant to believe that Laura is a savoury fan of infamous Henry & Rose battered onion rings at the ludicrously tasty price of €3 per bag before 11pm (info on the hiked price was unavailable as ‘I can’t get into the system to give it to you. Can I have a number to call you back on?’ New information on this matter would warrant the a win of the sweep stakes of the contents in next Sunday’s collection basket at the [currently under investigation for an unfair dismissals case] extremely holy (not the empty pockets kind..) Lady Queen of Peace Parish!) or was she referring to none other than Johnny Onion Rings crisps, easily attainable from Spar, The Nutmeg or The Gem, all still nudging shelf space against other crispy titans at less than a euo (€/vernacular yo etc.) ?

The BP obviously missed the message in it’s report you were sending to the people of Bray, which in itself is a deeply contentious and dividing issue already -  each providing microindustries and job security to hundreds of workers to the sacred cow of Bray, the onion. Your intimate knowledge of local businesses and the knock on effects for trade in the lead up to the SummerFest have not gone unnoticed! So then Laura, getting off the fence, which is it? Henry & Rose or Johnny Onion Rings?

Ah Jasus Mary!

Mary! What happened to collecting ‘facts’ for minor things like ‘the news’? Is a single phonecall from the newsdesk enough these days to let stories slip from a draft wordpad story to hardcopy collectibles in The Gem on the Quinsborough Road for our weekly digest?

This intriguing story by Bray People correspondent Mary Fogarty on poor ‘TEENAGE schoolboy’ (the most concrete fact of your story – apart from the knife?) immediately digressed into relaying an opinionated recant by the victims father of an imagined golden era of fairer fisticuffs engagements now long gone, doomed to dis new age violence of three attackers per victim. My that’s highly innovative of them isn’t it! You just can’t be a parent in Bray these days with the sound knowledge that your child can safely scuffle in hand-to-hand combat and be back to catch the last half of Miriam on RTE on a Saturday night! What about imparting something other than fear from the victim’s father to your readers?

Unprovoked attack? Ever thought of asking anyone other than the victims father for ‘facts’ of the matter? Say, for example, local bouncers, publicans, passers by or, I know this is a bit of a stretch, but perhaps a call to the Gardaí would have been useful? There are three security camera’s outside on stilts facing Jim Doyles and JD owned camera’s too, right?

Beaten for no reason? Congratulations on not even trying to find out why.