At least someone noticed..

One has to wonder about the difference between breaking the news and making the news with this one..  Still, hey presto! Stay tuned for more breaking vacuum packed stories in the near unreported future sports almanac

Beautiful Bray? See you in the next cartoon..

I don’t suppose you happened onto the seafront just this  Sunday, basking in our very Irish autumn summer?

What a sight there was to behold!

Many visitors from south county, inner city Dublin and wandering first time DART’ers had succumb to Bray Town Council’s (BTC) nifty new trendy “anti-litter” campaign by advertising on, prepare yourselves for this, bins.

Are they taking the piss?

Is it unreasonable to believe that anyone frogmarching near or passing a bin with any potential rubbish might incur a likely high probability to make use of the bin, regardless of these ridiculously cartoony posters? Four questions spring to mind:

1. Does the giant friendly Sesame Street bin indicate a BTC target audience of 3-5 year olds, who might otherwise be with their parents and have yet to be exposed to endless joys of feeding Oscar the Grouch’s insatiable appetite?
2. Is the image suggestively referring seafront visitors to discard their rubbish into the friendly Irish Sea that will just wash all their empty Henry and Rose/Cassoni chip-bag sized troubles away?
3. Could this local PR stunt and designing, marketing and printing monies have been put to better use? As far as I can see these posters were printed during the great silence between when the Recycling Center was shut shut down and miraculously reopened last week without any loud public appeal from incoming councilors or hustings on the issue in the process. Something is being distorted in this picture.
4. Was  this just a cynical attempt at a photo opportunity in the next tidy towns competition or a genuine move for change? What about targeting public spaces that would engage litter bugs that would otherwise possess a bin-phobia and therefore stay clear of anti-litter spaces? Two words: no brainer.

On one last point, take a look at the effects of the Town Council’s green policy with regard to the new fandango anti-dumping bins and what this has done for high impact users since the large steel drums were removed -images brought to you courtesy of professional photographer Gar Goyle.

What would the good burgers in Wicklow County Council – ahem, greenest county council in Ireland 2009 please stand up – think about all of this? Is it just a matter for the last roll of councilors before the June local elections? Former Minister for the Environment?

Beautiful Bray? Scroll on…

Beckhams spotted “trying for a fourth” in Main Street stunt

Bray heads have been treated to a rare site this week: Posh and Becks splaying their love in public from Vance and Wilson’s Pharmacy!

One hardened unnamed Main Street busker was reportedly delighted with the sensational news that the Tinseltown couple were trying for a Bray baby.

It has come to the Vicar’s attention, however, that the current “love-in” for a fourth child via the Main Street has fallen short of the positive public relation surge that the “very much in love” couple were expecting. A public statement issued by their publicist cited Jono and Yoki’s bed-in, which took place 30 years ago this year, as the main inspiration for the stunt.

One can only hope that the goodwill of the town will turn in their favour as the loved-up couple have since said been reported in a nearby Galaxy as saying:

Bray is the new Brooklyn!

Whether the BP will publish the birth certificate to prove the point has yet to verified. One thing is for sure: the Hollywood lovers are proving to be a popular lunchtime hit with the David Blaine fans from Bray East!

This is Avoca – what do you expect?

When was the last time you took a wandering trip out to Avoca handweavers, Kilmacanogue, edging just off the N11 from the Bray south exit? Did you happen to perchance upon any wafts of the Celtic Tiger waning at all?

With that in mind, I wonder what allowances and liberties are being taken by the hardened industrialist magnates now that the recession has handed them a blank cheque to ‘reason’ any particular executive order on staff and standards all in the name of staving off the impact of the downturn.

The clientele that frequent Avoca and questions about the impact of the recession on their ability to cut down on afternoon lunches and €70 throws  is another question which deserves more particular attention than in this post, so watch this space..

So, what kind of customer service are the managers weaving into the sacred realm of high end bottom scarfs and twee? One small story harvested from the mill gardens by our inside man – the Kilmac Gnome [pictured above dandying about on the Avoca lawn] – tells of a customer complaint to a manager who was dissatisfied at having to pay €10 for a coffee and a sandwich.

The manager’s reply was short and to the point:

This is Avoca: what do you expect?

Indeed.

Further, I would stop to wonder what kind of service standards line the staff are being ordered to tow? A more interesting question might lie in asking:  ‘if this the public relations face of the knitting titans of middle Ireland, how are they treating their workers?’

I’m assuming its safe to say that the underlying retort would smack of  the same carefully crafted handmade spirit that is already being dished out to customers in the restaurant..

Vicar is back. Now swallow this.

It has been a short, albeit unplanned, hiatus and Lord knows we have had some fantastic fun in the last two months in the town! Lots of digging up done, more to dig dug. Speaking of which:

Will the  audit (unpublicized and quitened down), recently conducted on incoming newly elected councilors this year, going to be made public?

For instance, some may wonder if having a long history of winning bids for various public events in the town, year after year, say for example,  summer festival and cultural festival sound engineering projects (without a transparent competitive bidding process) and whether they have had any link to a council seat? Would this kind of back-stroking add up for the final number crunch tallies at the council’s books?

How far should an audit go when financial wizardry can cast smoke and mirrors on political business deep dishing? If you were Neo and you were stuck in the Braytrix would you take the red pill, it answering the question “what is the Braytrix?” (by removing you from it) or would you take the blue pill,  simply to let life to carry on as before?

In the meantime…

if you are looking for mustard for your custard have a read of Donald Clark’s squeamishly boring tirade of drab adjectives that he reluctantly weaves through for the upcoming Bray-based film Sensations on violent and sexual debauchery [it DOESN'T, however, include any of the real shocks from any of our own home grown sexual brutes du jour that have yet to make cultural stage.  See the Commission to Inquire into Child Abuse Final Report for a nonHollywooding pageturner that is more prone to 20th Century realism and cruelty, Irish style, than for that kind of biscuit].

Infro more hot air from the Glynn camp?

Fine Gael hopeful Dj Mick Glynn sent fellow Bray Burger competitors twirling on their tweets last week when he revealed a startling new front in the Glynn camp, [political] weather permitting (or not).  Glynn boldly presented  the throw down:

Will the rain stop?

he asked. Only to add that readers should

Check out www.mickglynn.com for campaign infromation and videos

This radical new gesture has so far gone unnoticed by our beloved Bray People and has yet to blow through the political winds that might garner fresh seeds of hope for a change in local politics that one Novara Avenue pedestrian recently described earnestly:

It culminates in another bitter harvest to chew for five more years.

Glynn’s Pathway to Progress policy promises displayed on his homepage don’t seem to reflect this surprising warm front in the campaign which indeed suggest that by force of nature Glynn will affect the town’s weather system, specifically when it comes to stopping rain (with regular videos and infromation reports [‘Infromation’? Is this a cunning new campaign device  never seen before? Is it akin to malk? Ed.).

How this will be managed and to what kind of a time frame have yet to be revealed. Perhaps a formidable biodome construction project (and it’s positive knock-on effects for job opportunity ventures in Bray) is in the works. No mention of this (or any other town all-weather shield) was included in the recent draft Bray Town Development Plan 2011-2017 preparation document: perhaps Glynn will include it in his submission before the  July 3rd deadline?

Surely this couldn’t be simply hot air coming from Glynn, could it? To assist this audacious effort any submissions of what a town weather-shield/biodome might look like are welcome and will be posted on this blog to assist in the bold new greening of Glynn’s town policy.

‘Out and About’ and nepotism with Fianna Fáil and the Bray People

Whos out and whos about on the campaign trail in the lead up to the June elections? For those interested in a pictorial scoop of campaigning events may look no further than the ‘in pictures’ top slot on the Bray People’s homepage, which coincidentally contained no mention of the political parties or people it followed. If it was a general spread across the various campaigns then that point is fair enough – but who is represented in the gallery and what are they doing? This, after all, will be the savoured flavour left in the mouths of voters when they glean who was ‘out and about’ and what they did before shedding scalps in June. So out of 15 pictures, what happened? Here is the list:

1. Cllr David Grant FF – incumbent councilor – ‘Warren McDonald speaking to Cllr David Grant’
2. Cllr Pat Fitzgerald FF – incumbent councilor – ‘Cllr Pat Fitzgerald FF gets a warm welcome from Angela Doyle in Abbeyville, Arklow.’
3. Cllr David Grant FF – incumbent councilor – ‘Francis Murphy greets Cllr Grant at his gate.’
4. Cllr David Grant FF – incumbent councilor – ‘Francis Murphy listening to Cllr Grant.’
5. Cllr David Grant FF – incumbent councilor – ‘Cllr David Grant, with Emlyn Grant with James Scanlon.’
6. Cllr David Grant FF – incumbent councilor – ‘Cllr David Grant on the canvassing trail in Little Bray. Here he is pictured with Eabha Maloney and Mrs Maloney.’
7. Cllr Pat Fitzgerald FF – incumbent councilor ‘ He needn’t have worried as he recieves another warm welcome from Mary Forde, St Bridget’s Tce, Arklow.’
8. Cllr Pat Fitzgerald FF – incumbent councilor – ‘Joe Kelly, Abbeyville with Cllr Pat Fitzgerald FF.’
9. Cllr Pat Casey FF – incumbent – ‘Cllr Pat Casey FF launches his election campaign at the Glendalough hotel.’
10. Eamon Gilmore and Nicky Kelly Labour – ‘ Dressed to impress, Eamon Gilmore fixes Nicky Kelly’s Chain before going on a walkabout. Mr Gilmore started the local and European elections campaigns in the south east visiting Arklow to open Mayor Cllr Nicky Kelly’s election office before moving on to Wexford.’
11. Liz McManus, Eamon Gilmore and Nessa Childers with local Labour Party candidates.
12. Gale Dunne FF – candidate – knocking on doors -’Gale Dunne knocks on a door looking for support in the upcoming Local Elections.’
13. Gale Dunne FF candidate – ‘Gale Dunne with Teddy Dunne, calls to Treasa Dunne seeking support.’
14. FF election launch – candidates Cllr Elenor Roche and Ciaran Hayden with support from Dick Roche
15. Ciaran Hayden FF candidate – ‘Candidate Ciaran Hayden with Vincent Brennan, Rian Hayden and Alan Monahan’
16. ‘Greystones Fianna Fail Canvas: One of the hazards of canvasing.’ – dog barking

Is there something innocuous about how representative these photos are of the ‘campaign trail’ so far when 13 out of 16 of them follow Fianna Fáil candidates only? [make that 14 if you count the barking dog].

What about how these candidates are perceived across parties when the only shots of Labour include Gilmore fixing Nicky Kelly’s chainmail and Labour candidates walking with other Labour party candidates or members? Labour are not in touch with the public and smile with glee nepotistically. This is interesting, considering that transitions from pictures 12-15 cannot be described in any other way other than belligerent and unashamed nepotism as readers pan from Gale Dunne visiting the Dunnes, to Dick Roche supporting Cllr Elenor Roche and Ciaran Hayden (who finishes out the FF photoshoot). What about the Bray People’s love-in with Cllr Grant, taking up 30% (5 pictures) of the gallery and 4 pictures dedicated to two  new FF candidates (one sharing the limelight with Dick Roche, the other with what appears to be from all the same family?)

Should we be surprised by this reinvigorated, renewed and much changed party? What about the Bray People’s responsibility in all of this and how it has been used as a blatant marketing tool by FF hacks and hawks? Is this just an overreaction on my part or did the other parties just sleep in when the early birds were out getting their worms. Hmmm..

Bray Tourism does astounding reimaging of Bray in less than six swans

A new advert from braytourism.ie has confirmed recent rumours that their website is the hottest ‘pull’ factor being rolled out in the wake of a tourism lull, the Vicar can report.

In what can only be described as a high-octane and fast paced thrilling sequence of lasting close ups of swans, dogs lightly splashing in water, wind blowing, stones stoning, terse front door soft focus shots, a poignant gutter zoom of the seafront bandstand and an enchanting pan out of cars parked along the Strand Road, this shortfilm is here to stay.

Now set as the exciting must-see short film of the year, it grips and rips the audience and doesn’t let them go until they at least buy a Dart ticket to Bray (single fare as standard – return ticket is okay also). Informing readers by way of a 111 perfect word preface above the short, one concerned commentator to the video’s release added:

This video is a new low by the propaganda spin-doctors that have aligned all of Bray’s contents and tourist venture potential capital to enviro-flipflopping seafront driveling crotch scratching.

Like it or lump it – there really isn’t anything else to add other than watch out world!

Laura Whitmore and stripping away the layers of truth

Bray’s very own, Laura Whitmore, recently revealed in a tantalizing update to her MTV Europe profile that:

I don’t like onions but I like onion rings.

Furthermore, ‘Luscious Laura is Living MTV Dream’ screamed the Bray People digest earlier this week. Unbecoming of the truth, however, the BP neglected to unriddle this perplexing puzzle that Laura left scattered for her adoring town on her profile – what onion rings do you actually like?

As there are really only two contenders in fair Bré are we meant to believe that Laura is a savoury fan of infamous Henry & Rose battered onion rings at the ludicrously tasty price of €3 per bag before 11pm (info on the hiked price was unavailable as ‘I can’t get into the system to give it to you. Can I have a number to call you back on?’ New information on this matter would warrant the a win of the sweep stakes of the contents in next Sunday’s collection basket at the [currently under investigation for an unfair dismissals case] extremely holy (not the empty pockets kind..) Lady Queen of Peace Parish!) or was she referring to none other than Johnny Onion Rings crisps, easily attainable from Spar, The Nutmeg or The Gem, all still nudging shelf space against other crispy titans at less than a euo (€/vernacular yo etc.) ?

The BP obviously missed the message in it’s report you were sending to the people of Bray, which in itself is a deeply contentious and dividing issue already -  each providing microindustries and job security to hundreds of workers to the sacred cow of Bray, the onion. Your intimate knowledge of local businesses and the knock on effects for trade in the lead up to the SummerFest have not gone unnoticed! So then Laura, getting off the fence, which is it? Henry & Rose or Johnny Onion Rings?

The SkyNews (gallery) is the limit for Dick de la Rocha

Bray’s very own European high flier Dick de la Rocha has spent a wonderful time in Berlin just recently to mark the 60th anniversary of the end of the Berlin airlift, documented and reported for our enjoyment over on SkyNews if you have spare change to check it out. Strange though how the entire gallery of photos catalogued had neglected to include a single shot of the head honcho himself. Did we miss something? Did he? Too many cocktails the night before monsieur de la Rocha? Oh dear..